“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.”
― Edna St. Vincent Millay
Sometimes it surprises me how many times a day I think of them. Never a day goes by that I don't, and not just once, so many times a day. The pain, it never goes away, I don't care what people say. You just learn how to live a new life without them because you have no other choice. You have to build an almost impenetrable tough skin just to survive. If you don't, that hurt could kill you. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying anyway. Others, they don't understand, so you just try and keep it to yourself. You don't want pity, you just want back what you've lost. I know everyone loses someone; I know that, but why did so much get taken? Why did they all have to go? I have so much, I know that. I'm grateful for the people and things I've been blessed with, but all through my life there is and will be a huge aching gap that will never go away. So many things I want them to see and experience with me. I want to feel the hugs, I want to hear them say, "Kris, I'm so proud of you," again. I want to hear their laughs, hold their hands and just have my life back with them. I want them to meet my kids. I just want it all back.
